Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
