watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
