Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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