wat bout pragnant strippers??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
