Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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