im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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