i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
