im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can I color on your dick again?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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