i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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