I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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