Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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