i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
