it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
