Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
