i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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