I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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