You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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