Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
