Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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