He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
