my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's just like the Real World with babies
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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