So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
