I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
