dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
