it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
