you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
