You can't special order awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
