This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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