Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
