My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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