Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
