Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When did angry sex become our thing?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
