I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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