I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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