you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
