my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
