just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
