We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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