and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
