Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
