You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
