it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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