I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
