She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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