summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
