i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
