I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
