I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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