she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
