carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
