I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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