I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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