the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
