We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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