everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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