your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
