Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
