i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
