I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
