Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
