You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
