Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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