Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
