Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
