I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
