My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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