I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
