Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
