It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm passing your future prison.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
