I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
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So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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I wish there were birth control emojis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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