I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I intend to get homeless drunk
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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