I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
