I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
