Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize