Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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