my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
time to smoke my breakfast
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
