DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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