clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
