if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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