we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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