**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
