i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
