I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
