this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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