Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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