I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
