I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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