Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
