It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
