guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
