dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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